Bridgit Mendler's Debut Should Remain Nameless

Cheese is valuable in an American diet. However as a trait running throughout Bridgit Mendler's recording debut "Hello My Name Is" it makes me reach for the cringe button almost without realizing the impulse reaction has been executed. Time after time the lyrics are too goofy to be believed. Take "The Fall Song" for instance. Specifically I can't take my mind off her description of the boy in her life. He's "like sunshine with a chance of rain". In meteorological terms there's room for optimism. But why the chance of rain? Does Bridgit have herself on guard for the heartache she suspects will reward her devotion? "5:15" presents her as some sort of heartache cursed heroine with, as she puts it, "enough strength to flip a pancake". Thanks to the songwriting I'm not even showering much attention on Bridgit's attempts to sound street ("Where u be at?" from "The Fall Song") or the PG-rated softness even the dance oriented-numbers ("Ready Or Not") suffer from. Spelling out one of the words in your song's title, in Bridgit's case the "window" frame in "Rocks At My Window" isn't adorable or adorably menacing. Obnoxious would be the better adjective. I'm not won over by the subject matter either. Okay, so being cooped up in your bedroom fending off the loathsomeness of stupid people participating in reality TV sucks out loud. Nothing earth shattering there. Or how about Bridgit's desire to live like Oprah in "Ready Or Not". Pop culture icon reference? Check. Then there's "Hold On For Dear Love". She treated Mr. Possibly Right like a punching bag and used the worst words during her fit of pique. Homespun snapshots of teen suburbia just don't linger in memory after the CD concludes. It apparently flies with sizable pockets of the Disney Channel crowd because, as of this posting, it's taking up cozy real estate in Billboard Magazine's Top 20 Album Chart. Hopefully the overwhelming portion of that demographic respects well-articulated lyrics over scribblings that could have been pieced together over a drowsy morning in which the coffee hadn't managed to ignite a buzz. Any comparisons between Bridgit and Carly Rae Jespen are a little premature. Carly's "Call Me Maybe" did a paramount job playing off of the teen innocence whereas Bridgit lays her brand of charms a bit too thick. "Hello My Name Is" doesn't warrant much formal introduction.