Rick Ross and Jay-Z's Collaboration Blows...And That's No Lie

We've got to stop meeting like this. Me and my ghetto resistant pompous self. I don't hate African American expression. Really I don't. Jay-Z getting called in to help out on one of Rick Ross's "Mastermind tracks doesn't make me shiver in fear either. You can dress up a pig as many ways as you want but in the end it's still a pig. The backing music for "The Devil Is a Lie" sounds like what you'd play out of respect for a car that has come down to its last gasp. Any decade's rap represents the format better. Did either one of them think that all it took was for Rick to morph into a maniac each time the title words were mentioned and that would be enough street cred to help push the song to new heights of greatness. Sorry, but that notion is sinking Titanic-style. It might have helped if I had a faint clue of what statement they were going for. Horns I'm grasping. Street corner programmed percussion is in place. There's some hood chick holding down a...(ker plop). Oops...must have ripped an artery trying to come up with a description for what she was trying to do. Maybe brothel chanting? Pre-foreplay heat? I get it. Forget about Weird Al being white and nerdy. I take the prize because I'm so uncool for not grasping the urban grit lifestyle. I can't relate to writhing about in that dimension of hell. "Big guns and big whips". Subtle in a Mack truck way. "Double up on that blow, bitch". Nothing says I'm a man at the top of his game quite like doing a few lines on the console and then waking up in detox with no idea how you got there. Again rich niggas, big talk. And the dumbing down of America continues. How I fear the day when we're made too stupid to know how to turn on a lamp. So Rick is making a comparison between himself and a red shaded evil icon with horns and a pitchfork. If you have to stoop that low to prove you're not firing blanks in bed then something's not right in Delusion Land. "Nigga's stick dirty but his dick clean". I need a shower yet I've been absolutely nowhere but this computer keyboard over the last 15-20 minutes. Didn't want to know about how my soul bro's johnson was doing. Sadly the question "Who would?" comes ready made with a unnervingly crushing answer. Jay-Z's easier to swallow than Rick but a language translator would be nice. "White Jesus?" Cocaine, right? Anybody? Anybody? My loathing for "The Devil Is a Lie" fulfills every perceived notion that I am a square white guy stuck in his own link on the music loving food chain. I could ask my primary doctor to give me a lobotomy so I could better grasp how Rick and Jay-Z have joined forces to set the world on fire. I presume fixing hangnails would be a more worthy use of his time. The lyrics are cryptic. The sound effects behind them, to say they're annoying is about as obvious as saying Cinnabons are high in fat. Good rap, bad rap. It's a ploy I tells ya'. Take a superstar guest appearance, add the most dentist drill uncomfortable background combo imaginable, throw in raps that are cliquish in a reverse discrimination vein (black folk keeping white folk out of the loop. Exclusionary entertainment's never been high on my list of joyous experiences.) Let simmer. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, puppies and dogs, kittens and cats, the sludge that results isn't fit for consumption by beings with either two legs or four legs. I'm setting the record straight here. If this stab at human achievement indicates "I just don't get it", then that's okay by me. At this point in time I'm not getting the flu, ulcers, palpitations, or any one of a number of other unfortunate maladies. Score points for ol' Rockin' Robert. I thank Rick and Mr. Z for stopping at migraine level discomfort but that's about all the peace on earth goody two shoes schlock I can muster up for them. The devil may be a lie but my contempt is irrefutable truth.