Hello Hardcore: Skate Punk Avril Sprouts Talons

In record catalog terms, Avril Lavigne and I do have at least a seven year history. "Sk8er Boi" and "Complicated" were adorable in their own way. "Keep Holding On" which stemmed from both the Eragon movie soundtrack and her "Girlfriend" album demonstrated that Lady Lavigne could hold her own in sweeping epic territory and therefore signaled a deeper level of interest than mere passing fancy. "Girlfriend", the single kept Avril in teen angst mold, and that's not a bad special effect given she was in her early twenties at the time. Enter "Hello Kitty". Believe me...this kitten has its claws out. It aims to scratch your eyes out if you get close enough to allow it the opportunity. Never in my Avril observing life have I heard her sound so aggressive. Remember when Britney Spears got up in our faces with "Piece of Me"? There was enough jingling background clattering to set off the most battle tested metal detector. Where was the cell block guard? They put the title refrain through countless vocal shadings. Go high the producers begged. Go bass tone the producers begged. At its tempestuous center was the then fresh off headlines made for the wrong reasons Britney shining a light back on the record industry's own hypocritical moral high ground. One thing "Hello Kitty" shares with "Piece of Me" is a predominant D chord. As is foreseeable from a woman married to Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger, "Hello Kitty" has every dimension of guitar blaze thundering from the floor. Get the drift of how Ritalin kid rainbow the color scheme in the video is? Well sir, that's how much audio assault the tune itself represents. The drums kick as a high level of ass as the guitar. Throw in some keyboard parlor tricks for good measure. Fresh out of the oven comes not so much ear gorging as it does warfare on the glass stomach that might not be armed for battle against such a wide variety of bang 'n' clang. Where possible I try to place direct pats on the head to lyrics that aren't as disposable as the diapers your newborn did his extremely dirty little business in. Avril doesn't disappoint. Sure, the obese among us might scream "That's degrading!" Their point is taken. However it's the playfulness assembled after those lyrics have had a chance to spin around in my cranium that does the trick. "Let's all slumber party like a fat kid on a pack of Smarties?" I've been heads over heels smitten with music for ages and I don't recall Smarties ever finding their way onto a lyric sheet. I guess there really is a first time for everything. What's next? Rush Limbaugh actually thinking before he opens his mouth? Nightly news programs not cutting away to half a dozen pharmaceutical commercials after three minutes of news? To be fair I bet thin kids like Smarties too. "Someone throw a cupcake at me" is worth its weight in time insensitive lard. Nothing shy about the sexual innuendo grinding over the chorus. "Come come kitty kitty. You're so pretty pretty." Being coy with sex references isn't a shiny new concept. Madonna pretty much burnished her career longevity with it. Avril's your remedial reading version. I don't see what the hullabaloo is regarding the video. Gwen Stefani surrounded herself with Asian gal pals in "Hollaback Girl" and nobody asked for her skull on a platter. The planet's way too edgy on a number of fronts these days. Any cultural swipes "Hello Kitty" takes, real or imagined, don't even rank in the top 100 list of things to get your undies in a wad over. Avril cavorts merrily. The beat drill bits relentlessly. I mop the sweat from my brow happily. Now please go back to chasing after your retirement money. "Hello Kitty" not only greets you playfully...it arouses you head to foot without leaving you stricken with morning after guilt.