The New Single From Childish Gambino Definitely Not An "Internet" Sensation

Into the rap breach we go once again people!! It really is a shame when an artist's stage name is more interesting than the single he's promoting. The culprit is one Childish Gambino whose mild-mannered daytime persona is Donald Glover. There have been at least a few eye-popping Glovers in the entertainment world during the past three to five decades. There's Roger Glover from classic rock kings Deep Purple and Danny Glover from the Lethal Weapon movie series. Methinks I'd rather spend my free time on one of them. Childish Gambino's "3005" single does nothing to elevate the hip hop scene or pop culture in general. He's rapping in front of noises closely resembling a woodpecker pecking out notes. Either that or a snake whipping out his tongue to snap keys. Snake reminds me of pro wrestler Jake "The Snake" Roberts who, at least in a fictitious sense hailed from Stone Mountain, Georgia. Stone Mountain, Georgia's where Childish Gambino's from. Why is it some of these rappers boost their songs with the impression that they're being hurtled through space rather than bowling you over with their artistry? Once more it's all about fucking those other niggas. Were it not for the sentiment he vows to be by his girl's side until 3005 I'd put him on the out pile right now. "3005" is the first single off of "Because The Internet". Because the Internet what? He doesn't even have an album title that brings with it the promise of some brand of closure. It hangs there, stifled. "Got no patience, cause I'm not a doctor." Mr. Gambino is a comedian (for real) as well as a rapper. With material like that he's at least sensible enough to drop the open mike mike and turn his attention to rap. Wait a minute. His mind doesn't have a sharp focus on that front either. Our tour of game changing wordsmith demonstrations continues with the likes of, "Girl why is you lying, girl why you Mufasa?" I'm pretty sure the creators of The Lion King weren't thinking to themselves, "Maybe if this movie captures the imagination of enough people maybe years from now some rap dude will name drop some element of it in his song. And what's with "got a stripper like Gaza"? I didn't bring my hood logic to English translator with me. File that under "things I'll always regret." All I can ascertain is that the brother was simply wanting to find some word, phrase, clause, gardening rake, phone app, or fake vomit that kind of rhymed with Mufasa. Could've shown some respect to the burgeoning Latino audience by rhyming Mufasa with masa, which means "dough" in English. Not the dough Childish thinks he'll make butt loads off of this song. It's the dough that can be used to make tortillas, and eventually tacos. Trust me. If I didn't at least try to inject some humor value into this review I'd have begun and ended by proclaiming, "This song bites. Have a pleasant evening." Lucky for you all my eyes are always on the prize. Hold on a sec. You're right. He did say, "Mi casa su casa." Again I ask why didn't he slip masa in there? You think that audience is going to feel valued if he ditches them within the same stanza to cozy up to some Egyptian territory? Can't be all things to all people. Multi-tasking doesn't tend to end well for anyone. Anybody want to explain away "Got so high off volcanoes, now the flow is so lava?" Unless Childish Gambino is trying to cleverly send a message to kids that inhaling rubber cement will give you permanent brain damage there's zero noteworthy point behind these lyrics? LSD, sure. Crack cocaine, you betcha. Volcanoes? Um.....okay. He can't just fling things against a wall and call that art. A four year-old's finger painting has more substance than this. And "we spit that saliva" is TMI all around. You add to that a later passage that works overtime to drive home the bleakness of a lifeless future. "We all just ticking time bombs". Thanks O Childish One. If it wasn't for the fact I've been cursed with this pesky survival instinct thing you've given me enough motivation to leap off a bridge. Is there anyone who wants anything more out of life than to reminded of how futile it all is...or appears to be? More inspiration and less perspiration (over the goings-on in a year he won't even be around for)would have been appreciated. Childish Gambino, for the moment anyway, is the rice cake of rappers. Little about him is tasty. You don't get that full feeling. Plus you're left wanting more...of just about anything else. I'm not saying this is the spot where my aural love affair with Drake got accidentally stoked but Drake does deserve credit for sparking revulsion. "3005" is Shrug City. Even the energy required to shrug my shoulders looks wasted. Childish Gambino's foray into the rap market isn't suitable for people of any age.