Birthday Blogger's Gift Registry

Since today's my birthday I decided I'd act like a rock star flush with cash and be self-indulgent. Upfront apologies to anyone who thought my last blog was pitifully brief compared to the previous classics of blog pontificating I've thrown at y'all (Yup...only kidding). It's a day to soak up some true American originals, namely five songs containing what to my mind are moments of brilliance. I promise I won't be creating an online version of War and Peace, a Gore Vidal memoir, or anything else that's only apparent purpose was to cure you of insomnia. With any luck you'll get the hint that I'm not merely a casual listener but a music worshiping fiend of the highest order. I breathe three part harmonies and power chords. Strip me of that and I'm wandering around the cosmos stumbling my way along like everybody else. Five 18-carat gold gems brought to you as my old Concordia Lutheran College prof. Milton Reimer would have put it "quick and dirty". "Superstition" wasn't the Eighth Wonder of the World's biggest hit but I dare you to cue up any that were pound for pound funkier. I selected this live from Sesame Street version for the very best reason, namely it's the first time I heard it in brash, knock you out of your spit shined penny loafers living color. For kicks check out the red shirted child shaking it way up high atop the stairs. Wonder what he's doing now? In any case he got a stellar cultural education, as did I. From drums, to brass (it was the '70s so forgive the gentleman on the far left for his fashion sense), to that resounding voice, "Superstition" started my lifelong admiration for one of the foremost artistic talents that ever lived or is ever likely going to have lived. Steve Perry was Journey's ace in the hole from day one. The band's Behind The Music episode left me disheartened. What a great run and it came to a screeching halt thanks to the torn ACL of older people, the damaged hip. (Sigh). "Any Way You Want It" allows us to revisit happier times. That '70s carryover long hair is enough to make me projectile shoot milk from my nose due to laughing. Neal Schon's on the short list of bona fide guitar Gods. In this video he's also sporting a white boy 'fro. He came off like a bit of a prick on Behind The Music but if I based my music library on how close to sainthood the artists got I'd have a collection as gaunt as my bony frame so that's between him and whatever deity he prays to. I can't enough of the climbing, climbing, climbing, climbing octave straddling Neal does towards the end. I'd have gotten up from the beat banquet table at that point yet here comes Steve to seal the deal with "ANYWAAAAAAAAAY! ANYWAAAAAAAAY!" "Any Way You Want It" is proof that a prime perk of car ownership back then was the brand of cruising music you could shove in the tape deck. Extreme is not some sissy glam metal band. Got that? If you want to say Poison is a sissy glam metal band I can deal. If you want to say Nitro is a sissy glam metal band, have at it. If you want to say Enuff Z'Nuff is a sissy glam metal band, get the guillotine ready. But don't think you're going to label Extreme a sissy glam metal band without encouraging any kind of counter response from me. Extreme can bring the licks, shove 'em up 'yer arse and keep right on walking as if no wrong, no act of civil disobedience had been perpetrated. "Get The Funk Out" is 100 percent bang, no buck. No bucking any comers. No bucking the license to rock hard, loud, and gorgeous. Nuno Bettencourt is one more legend of the guitar game. Know anybody else who can make their instrument sound like a siren whisking sick people to the hospital? If Nuno was an automobile the Five-0 would be writing up enough tickets to fill three glove compartments. Gary Cherone can sing. Better yet he doesn't howl like Sammy Hagar or rip his larynx to shreds like Tom Keifer of Cinderella. Paul Geary pummels you with his sticks. Pat Badger's bass rumbles instead of merely keeping the engine motoring along. For good measure the band lights up their space with their own Tower of Power horns section. The only thing wrong with "Get The Funk Out" is there's no other rock band out there ballsy enough to try a cover version. Simultaneously it's one of the many right things. To the very last I get chills. Pat Benatar puts so many other female performers to shame. She's a tough as nails rock chick who doesn't covet your sympathy. "Precious Time" is what a romantic relationship in free fall sounds like. Neil Giraldo's opening note yells "Duck!!" The bomb is dropping. The fuse has been lit. There won't be survivors. Come to think of it there won't even be a body for the coroner to examine. Pat on the warpath is the very best kind. ADD sufferers be warned. You've been put on notice. 3:24 mark. That's why "Maneater" is on this list. Blink and you missed. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups tandem of chocolate and peanut butter aren't the only two things that taste great together. A well timed drum guitar one-two leaves behind an aftertaste for the ages. Up to then the keyboards, Daryl Hall's blue eyed crooning and G.E. Smith's candy coated sax symbolized keen appetizers. It took the one two to elevate this to cultural touchstone status. Well, that's some of what "she" wrote anyway. Unless I get amnesia and therefore forget I'm a blogging man on a blogging mission future enlightenment is on tap down the line. Until then..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HOW THE HELL DID I MANAGE? I TURNED FORTY THREE. DON'T ROLL YOUR EYYYYYYYYES!!