Bahamas Spends Too Much Time On So Little Reward

Cuteness can only take you so far. That's the conclusion I'm reaching with Bahamas, an Ontario native whose real name is Afie Jurvanen. At least now we can likely guess why he has the stage name. "All The Time" comes off like it could've easily been tapped for use in any one of a number of modern ad campaigns because it sounds slickly produced, snail's pace deceiving us into thinking it's the most adorable thing we've ever heard. Couldn't be further off track there. I am not implying Bahama's musicianship isn't serviceable in a lo-tech style. I think he succeeds when he lets his turn of phrase do the talking for him. Basically he sings to a lady that he's got all the time in the world (Lucky him, right? Sounds superhuman doesn't it?) and inquires if she wants some. How generous. That's your ultimate all you can eat life buffet going on. I'd be a moron not to take that bet and raise it a by a few chips. Turns out she wanted none of it. What else might the persnickety prima donna give a thumbs down to? A supply of eighteen-carat diamond rings? Never ever having to do dishwasher duty? Moving back on course Bahamas passes the pluck test. He plucks his guitar lovingly with a benevolent similar to the way you'd stroke a cat if you were a pet owner. Breezy beach vibes flood this song down to its core. Tropical libations would go great with the song. The unfortunate element is that a drink could be your best chance to liven up the listening experience. Sober it's merely a guitar plodding along with no particular urgency in mind. That could be apt because we are talking about a guy with all the time in the world. There's a big difference between taking your sweet time and making your audience examine its collective watch repeatedly, mentally going over the checklist of those many things it probably ought to be doing. Nobody appreciates waiting for things to get good only to realize good as it gets territory is where we're at now. Fling the confetti. Blow the noisemakers. Time to party like tonight's our last chance. What's "my work" anyway. Is that a way of saying he's putting his junk out there? He gets honorable dude credit for saying there's something wrong with that. He puts his work in front of her. You've got vivid imaginations I'm sure. You color in the in between areas yourselves then. I'm pretty quick to zoom in on a song that while inoffensive enough doesn't rise to the level of appointment listening. "All The Time" matches the description well. At 3 minutes 55 seconds Bahamas takes an inordinate amount of cosmic space to weigh in on his time surplus and how nice it would be if his girlfriend joined him for a swim in it. Drawing out this coy behavior isn't copping a buzz. If I were the woman I'd be nervously tapping my freshly manicured nails on a table, demanding that he get on with it already. Time is always precious. Bahamas fails to put his allotment to acceptable use.