Hold On...Is That Really Colbie Caillat?

Is there no artist that processed music can't pull into its insidious grasp? The latest victim would appear to be Colbie Caillat, that sunny starlet from Malibu, California who burst into the music business consciousness with her warm fuzzy hit "Bubbly" (Get it? Bubble? Burst? Yes, I know. Music analysis Greg, not stand-up). What was charming about "Bubbly" was you could hear the sincere, organic, easy, breezy, weight of the world not on my shoulders, sun dappled splendor. It was profound enough to lighten the mood of an avowed suicide risk. In the opening stanza of 2014, from first note to last of "Hold On" I hear nothing even resembling that young woman. Instead I hear a cut rate choral refrain which barely slides by thanks to Colbie's vivacious presence. Swanson's dinners aren't as pre-packaged and drained of their bounce quite the way this song is. In order for a song to hold any merit with me I have to be able to discern some sort of characteristic that would make it unforgettable. 'Fraid I have come up dissatisfyngly empty. Colbie's very likely a lovely person in body and spirit but you wouldn't know it from this track. Compounding the problem is what is Colbie even doing accepting this strain of material? The chords applied here resemble Kelly Clarkson's massive hit "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)". Why hasn't Katy Perry already snatched this kind of tune up for her own career advancement. I bet when Miley Cyrus gets done twerking, gyrating, and comporting herself like a slut in training she'd probably have the horse sense to get into the studio and save face with a paint by numbers concoction like this. And what a lousy optimism retardant way to begin a new year. We're going around the fading romantic connections mulberry bush I see. Nothing but a love heading for the rocks, destined to sink like a stone, Titanic-style. Where's the spark, Colbie wonders. Their survival as a dynamic duo depends on it. With so many accountings of dried up love over the years it's a miracle anyone wants to try cohabitation, but I guess that's your triumph of the human spirit over being cold cocked by misery, folks. Apparently, one look at Mr. Right, and Colbie opts to hold on. Aah, so that's where the ray of hope lies. Too bad it couldn't resuscitate the song enough to make it sound like honest to goodness human beings were playing instruments on it. Blessedly the song clocks in at a mere 3 minutes and 23 seconds. That's not nearly long enough to make me believe this is step 1 in the process of Colbie putting bullet holes into her career potential. Uncle Greg has a tidbit of advice for her. Please revisit the not too distant past of "Bubbly" and "Lucky". There was security blanket warmth to that. "Hold On" is the victim of a bit too much plastic wrap. Colbie is likable enough. All I ask is that she justify the intimation that she's a shining dynamo of creative good will. The title says "Hold On", but the finished product makes me want to put any serious investigation of her feminine wiles on hold.